Father~from my Prayer journal~Aug. 18, 2014

I write to you out of lack today
I come to you with nothing to say
I seem to come to this place
Thoughts I’d like to erase
Memories without a trace
Of dignity left inside me
And I wonder will I forever
be always seeking
never coming to the full
knowledge of anything
significant…
If I do
will I find
what lies behind
The hope that drives
me on
meaninglessness….
Will I have spent
all this time seeking
something that is
unattainable
grasping at ghosts…
Standing against
the very wind
that threatens
the very life
I cling to…
Realizing
grasping and clinging
is more desperation
to scoop up what’s
left of my dignity
Because I know
this only
perpetuates more
feverish dancing about
on the threshing floor
perhaps to glean
one stalk, one twig
of normalcy
What is normal?

Father he said to me. . .
I offer you this
he said
more of the same
more of the shame
more of the game
more of the name
more of the tame
lion that roars
fiercely inside
waiting to escape
captivity

“I’m not in a good place Father,” she said
Where did you go child?
Somewhere safe
far away from human grasp
far away from any place you know
For I have gone where dreams are made
Where the river of life flows freely
Where flowers never die
Fruit is abundant
And peace is finally mine….

Oh said Father…..
you’ve got quite
and open wound, he said.
You’re going to have to let
this heal.
Can’t you just cover it back
up,? I asked.
“No dear, you cannot put
a bandage over open heart
surgery, it must heal
from the inside out.” he said.