All of my life to fit in
I have always felt alone in life, always. I can’t remember a time every feeling a part of anything. I don’t know if that is because of my un-bringing or because I guard my heart from anything that threatens to hurt. In so doing I believe I have missed out on a lot of life, family, friends and living because I am afraid to feel a connection to anyone but Alex. However, my sweet Uncle Gunn burst through all my defenses with his loving kindness and understanding of this phobia some Antells have holding everyone at arms length. It’s hard growing up an Antell. There were unspoken family expectations and when you feel like you don’t measure up it was easier to disengage then to suck it up and join. I’m not a joiner, one that goes along with everyone else. I sit back and watch that is my nature. My sweet Uncle today has shown me something so BIG….Do you see this wildflower?

Yes my Uncle has a love for wildflowers, sunsets and sunrises and all of God’s beauty and I too share this love! You see I thought I was doing this all alone but what I didn’t know is God had my sweet Uncle doing that same thing in Wisconsin.

Something about that slays me. I have said that a lot lately because for the first time in my life I am allowing myself to love and it hurts so good!