Someone asked me why I have made the decisions I have and at the time I did not have an answer. Now I have one it is this…

Everything is more complicated then you think and sometimes the only way to know that is through experience. It is so easy to say what we would have done, but really how can one know unless they walk a mile in that person’s shoes and live their exact life?

This is my answer, yes I believe it is. I have been searching for this. My search for  words and this discovery, does neither absolve me of guilt, nor negate their validity, it simply makes me free to be me.

I really needed you to know this and I don’t need an excuse to be me and most of all I needed to know this for myself.

Inspired by my conversation with my sweet friend Julia.  ❤  I love you sweet girl! ❤

Yesterday was a struggle to be kind. I felt the gravity of my un-kindness when it was the only response I had to offer. Immediately, I stopped myself walked out the door and took a walk. You see, I have discovered that if I desire to change something about myself and take steps to do so, then of course the very thing I am working on, is the challenge I will be hit with continuously, until my response is in love and kindness. It’s kind of like working on patience, you know you will be tested to display patience.
As I walked around the block I said to myself, “I choose to be kind and respond in love even though inside I do not feel kindness towards this person. I don’t care however long it takes me I am going to be kind no matter what, even if the only kind thing I can say is nice shoes.” When one has been hurt by someone so deeply it is hard to allow that hurt to heal and a knew perspective to take root. We must plant seeds of kindness where ever we can and then, as with seed time and harvest we will reap a crop of kindness, love, generosity, hospitality, joy anything good we wish to change. People sometimes call this Karma as in, “What goes around comes around.” But isn’t that the entire cycle of man/life?
Our lives are broken up into seasons; Spring when the crops of life are planted, Summer when the crops of life are producing fruit, Fall, when things begin to change and something new is in the horizon, Winter, when the things that need to die away DIE.
During that Winter season, the days are shorter, nights are longer, sometimes people experience the “Winter blues” because we are trapped inside due to the cold weather. Oh, but come Spring, something new happens and we can feel it brewing on the inside, excitement takes hold and a sense of anticipation for all things new. As these areas in my life Fall away with anticipation of a death to these old habits or behaviors…
I look forward to Spring and all things new.