FULL TIME VERSION OF MYSELF~Inspiration from my Uncle

November 2, 2014April 7, 2017 | MichelleMarie

FULL TIME VERSION OF MYSELF

I long to be a full-time version of myself,
I don’t want to pretend to be anyone else.
For finding who I am and being true to me,
means everything in the world to forever and infinity.

No longer will I take on someone else’s principles as mine,
I will learn by example, truth, faith, and love in what I find.
Crawling out of my old cocoon I will become a new butterfly,
one that soars high and mighty in truth, and will never ever lie.

All anew in principles, hope, and honesty that flies above,
I will grasp that new reflection in the mirror of myself, the Me that I love.
No longer will I while the anchors of the past that will bring me down,
as I am here in the NOW loving this minute and the next as to day comes around.

So whether at work, play, or out in the world, I am here to say,
I will not falter, be tempted to be someone else in any other way.
For I make this permanent declaration to me in my new world needing no help,
this time and forever I long to be a “full-time version of myself.”

Gunnar Timothy

My bro & I standing on the porch~Pa’s cabin

November 2, 2014November 2, 2014 | MichelleMarie

My bro & I standing on the porch of Pa's cabin! — My bro & I standing on the porch of Pa’s cabin!

Something changed for my bro that day! I have tried to think what happened to him, what he must have thought the day he dug the hole to bury our Pa. Something changed that day in me and something changed in him. Shortly after this photo was taken he left our family. We all heal in different ways. I have since been in contact with him but very limited. I was thinking of him today as I do every day. I hope and pray he has found peace in his heart. He’s only 14 months younger then me so we grew up together close and he always knows me and I love that. It’s the silence that kills me most I think, it always has….when I love someone and they are silent with me I think all manner of things I may have done to cause the silence….then I realize it’s not about me the silence is all about them and their inability to articulate their pain! I know this! When I am in pain I can’t shut up, I have to share till I feel relief. Thinking about my bro today!

Let you be privy to the Privy~Quote from Pa

November 2, 2014 | MichelleMarie

“This little place is all we own~and wish to keep it neat~So please be kind with your behind~Don’t S#%t upon the seat”~Pa

My sister, Ezra was heading for the hills because there were snakes! This is before we opened it! BTW this is Privy #2

My brother's sense of humor is hilarious! Note the look on my face! What a day1 — My brother’s sense of humor is hilarious! Note the look on my face! What a day!

Pa’s Hunting Cabin~Man Cave 3

November 2, 2014November 2, 2014 | MichelleMarie

Ezra always has a blast at the cabin. Please not the coke machine changed down. Such a man thing! Nobody touch my stuff! — Ezra always has a blast at the cabin. Please note the coke machine changed down. Such a man thing! Nobody touch my stuff!

Pa’s Hunting Cabin~Man Cave 2

November 2, 2014November 2, 2014 | MichelleMarie

Approaching the cabin from the dirt road

You cannot access my Pa's cabin without a serious 4WD. Visiting is not for the faint at heart. NO cell communication at all! Ahhhh it's heaven. — You cannot access my Pa’s cabin without a serious 4WD. Visiting is not for the faint at heart. NO cell communication at all! Ahhhh it’s heaven.

Spiral Staircase to the 2nd floor sleeps 8.

Boat dock, I know my Pa loved this! We had a pond at our childhood home!

Passing of the Privy~by my Gpa Art

November 2, 2014 | MichelleMarie

My family has a love/hate relationship with privies. As that was the only facility.

This is a scan of my GrandPa Art’s poem about the outhouse/privy. Just in case you didn’t know what a privy is….
My Gpa Art would recite poetry and also every kid had a talent to share with the family around the camp fire. My Pa of course sang! Most of my family is musically inclined. But my Gpa was a poet and known for his weaving of words about the simple things.

The Things I didn’t do~by my Pa to my Mom

November 2, 2014November 2, 2014 | MichelleMarie

I don’t want to be your savior
I’ve lived the life I knew
I can’t take back the pain
It’s been certain, not to you

I didn’t rape the wilderness
Or steal the air we breath
I didn’t take God at his word
and So to you I apologize for

The things I didn’t do
And that’s always on my heart
Our children will realize
That said, “I love you ever still.”

Before my Pa passed he told me that the only woman he ever loved was my mother. He left me all his writings, and yesterday I was reading through them and came across this. In his hand writing, stain and torn, so I added the parts that were missing, because I knew my Pa’s heart. He never gave this to my mom, I know it. He was not one to share the deeper things and I am so blessed that he left these pieces of his heart with me so I can share them and somehow know the man I barely knew, but I knew him more then most!

Written~on the wall of my heart

November 2, 2014January 31, 2017 | MichelleMarie

Written~on the wall of my heart
I see it ever still
when I think you’re gone
there you are reminding me
you were there
you left your mark
worry not, lest I forget
I shall not wash away the stain
like old paint, old cars, old stuff
you are
Written~on the wall of my heart

I like to spend the day with you

November 1, 2014March 4, 2016 | MichelleMarie

I like to spend the day with you
Doing all the things you like to do
I like waiting and watching
I wonder as you’re talking
Do you know???
I like to spend the day with you